Captivated Heat Page 2

  “I had nothing to offer you. I was Jason’s brother. I was your boyfriend. I had zero future.”

  She frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  He licked his dry lips, his heart racing. “I wanted you so badly. You and Jason were so close. He had a college degree, a thriving business sense. What did I have?”

  Emotional hurt streaked across her face. “Was I not enough?”

  His fingers itched to stroke her cheek, to feel the softness of her hair. Damn, he wanted to hold her, to help her understand where he’d been mentally in his life, how disappointed in himself he’d been. “I’ve never been book smart. I’ve never been good at school. I didn’t have a good job. I barely had enough money to take you out.” He ran a stiff hand over his face. “How was a guy like that ever going to give you a good life?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Wait a second. Are you telling me you left because you thought I wanted you to buy me shit?”

  “N—no,” he stammered, horrified by her misunderstanding. “I thought you’d want a man who could not only love you, but be your partner and provide a good living. I thought you’d want a man capable of being a good father and not just a sperm donor.”

  She gaped at him, her mouth opening and closing just as quick.

  “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But you should know that I won’t stop trying to make up for what I did to you.”

  She shook her head as if trying to shake some sense into her mind.

  “Not a day went by that I didn’t think about you.” He pulled out a picture of the two of them. It had been taken on the night he’d told her that he loved her. It was on her twenty-first birthday. “I kept this picture in my shirt every single day. Please know that you were always close to my heart, Sammy.”

  She whimpered and turned away from him, her hands covering her face. “Stop calling me that,” she ordered. “Stop talking.”

  He pursed his lips, but couldn’t stop himself from touching her once more. He pulled her against him, her back to his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. With his mouth to her ear, he whispered, “I’ve missed you.”

  She gasped, turning to face him. Her eyes wide. “You don’t have to say that to me. You don’t have to—”

  “These are not just words for me,” he said sharply. “I mean everything I say. I want you to believe that.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. He held perfectly still, waiting for her to say something. But instead of words, she touched his face, tracing the line of a scar he’d received while on a combat mission. The scar wasn’t that noticeable, but it did stretch on the side of his face from temple to jaw.

  “This is new,” she pointed out.

  “I have a few of those.”

  She found another one on his neck, just above the collar of his shirt and again she traced it with her finger. His body shook as the tips of her fingers grazed over his flesh.

  “Were you injured badly?”

  His heart thumped hard and fast like a locomotive. “Yes,” he confessed, his throat tightening.

  She never stopped touching him as she asked, “Are you all right now?”

  He pinched her chin with his forefinger and thumb, drawing her gaze back to his. “Yes,” he told her with confidence. But that wasn’t true. He was far from okay. Every night he tried to sleep, the cries from his unit filled his head. He’d lost so many of his friends. Guilt consumed him.

  “Are you home for good?”

  Her voice drew him from his thoughts. “I’ve been honorably discharged from the Marines.”

  She rolled her eyes and blew out a harsh breath. “That doesn’t answer my question,” she said sharply and then repeated, “Are you home for good?”

  The corner of his mouth quirked. “Are you concerned for my well-being or just worried I’ll run away again?”

  She cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brow. “Maybe a little of both.”

  A hope-filled gleam flickered in the back of his mind. “So you do still have feelings for me?”

  She shoved against him, a sudden fiery heat blazing from her eyes. “Of course I have feelings for you, jackass,” she spat. “Why do you think I’m so pissed off?”

  His heart sank to his gut as he watched the realization of her words slip over her face. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she blinked them back, looking up into the afternoon sky. He took a chance and moved closer to her, reaching out to pull her into his arms. She stiffened as his fingers caressed her skin, but once he held her securely, she went limp against him. He held her, thankful that she hadn’t pushed him away. The scent of her hair was maddening, the feel of her body left him breathless and wanting.

  She pressed her forehead to his chest. “It’s not fair,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t feel this way after all these years.”

  “I know, but I’m glad you do. I’d hate to be alone in my feelings. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.” He brushed back her hair and cupped her face to get her to look up at him. “I never stopped wanting a future with you Sammy and I never will.”

  * * * *

  What the hell was she doing? He didn’t deserve to hold her. He didn’t deserve to know that she still cared about him. Tensing every muscle in her body, she shrugged out of his hold.

  “Go to hell, Daniel,” she shouted, taking another step back.

  “Sam?”

  She raised her hands to block him. “No. You can’t just waltz back into my life, say a few pretty words to me, and think that settles it. Fuck that. You’ve got no idea what hell you put me through.” She gritted her teeth, practically growling her words. “If you think for one second that I forgive you, think again. I don’t.” She pointed her finger back toward Jason’s truck. “Now go away and leave me alone.”

  “But I—”

  “Are you deaf? I told you to leave. I still carry a gun, you know.” She narrowed her gaze on him. ’

  The muscles in his jaw ticked. “I’ll go. But I’m not done trying to make things right between us, Sammy.”

  He might not be done, but she sure was. It was well past time for her to finally figure out how to move on. He’d made his choice all those years ago and now it was her turn. “Oh, yes you are,” she corrected, with a husky laugh. “I don’t want to see your face again, Daniel Whitmore. As far as I’m concerned, we’re done.”

  He tried to speak again, but she cut him off. “Go!”

  She watched as he hesitantly got back into the truck and drove away. Once she got into her house, she closed the door and headed straight for her bed. The pain in her heart was overwhelming. She wished she could’ve said that she was strong enough not to care anymore, but she wasn’t. She’d give herself one last time to cry over him, but that was it. Once the last of her tears had fallen, she’d shed no more for him.

  Chapter Two

  “She doesn’t want anything to do with me,” Daniel told his brother as he stared across the bar at Iron Horse. “She threatened to shoot me.”

  Jason chuckled. “Can you blame her? You’re sort of a douche.”

  Yes, he was and no, he couldn’t. He was surprised that she’d even let him hold her. The connection between them was brief and for that split second had given him hope. Sam was the toughest woman he’d ever known and the years apart had only made her stronger and more desirable.

  “I just wanted her to know that I still care about her.”

  Jason popped the top off a beer and slid it toward him. “You up and left us, asshole. You chose to go into the military without even telling her why you were doing it. She would’ve understood.” Jason held up his hand to block Daniels interruption. “Yes, she would’ve tried to talk you out of it because she would have preferred you stay with her. But you didn’t even give her that opportunity. You. Just. Left.”

  He sighed hard. “I know. I know. I’m a jerk for what I did and I’ll be the one to forever regret that decision.”

  Jason leaned against the bar, eyei
ng his brother. “Look, you did what you did because you needed to. The way you went about it was a little messed up. Give her time. If she hasn’t gotten over you in the last seven years”—he shrugged—“maybe you still have time to make things right.”

  He hoped he did. Hurting her had been the last thing he wanted to do. Stupidly, he’d never even considered how hurt she’d be when he’d left. He was so wrapped up in his own self-pity and doubt that he hadn’t thought about anyone else but himself. And now, he’d nearly been killed and forever changed. The scars on his body were only the injuries people could see. The things that really hurt were branded into his mind and gave him horrific nightmares.

  “I’m going to do something that’s probably going to get me castrated,” Jason said, popping the top off a beer for himself. “Sam’s closing the next three nights in a row. I’ll be here, too, since I’ve got inventory and month-end work to finish up on.”

  He wasn’t following. “And?”

  Jason shook his head, his shoulder-length long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Don’t be a naïve shmuck. Come up here, let her see you. She can’t avoid you if you’re hanging around.”

  He groaned. As much as he wanted to do that, he wasn’t sure he could. “Jason, crowds—” He felt defeated, beat down by the fears swirling around in his head. Getting shot had changed him, made him fearful, skittish.

  Jason reached across the bar and patted Daniel’s arm. “I know, little brother. Come through the back. No crowds and it will take you straight into my office. Sam’s bound to come back there several times during the night. She’s a control freak and wants to know everything I’m doing.”

  That made him chuckle. “I can see that.”

  As Jason went back to work, Daniel thought about the differences in his life and the fears that had driven him to join the Marines. He’d been so clear-headed about his desire to be a part of the military, to become a man Sam would want a future with.

  What would she think when she discovered the truth? That he was no better off now than he was then. How would she react to him when she discovered that he was a shell of a man, riddled with emotional terrors? Maybe she was doing him a favor by telling him to go. Lord knew he could no more provide for her now than he could’ve when they were younger.

  This time, he didn’t have a backup plan. He only had himself and the post-traumatic stress that consumed him.

  He had to admit that Sam was the one thing that seemed to bring light to his dark thoughts. The one thing that gave him a shred of hope that one day he’d be able to move forward with his life. He craved her strength, her love, even though he didn’t deserve it. He was selfish in his needs, but he couldn’t help it. He needed her, wanted her. He always had.

  Not a day had gone by in seven years that he hadn’t thought about her. He had never forgotten her face, the passion in her eyes, and the warmth of her skin. In some part of his mind, he thought he was doing them both a favor by leaving, but all he’d ended up doing was shattering both their lives.

  “Why do you look like you need a tissue?” Luke Mackenzie asked, slapping Daniel on the back. “Do you have sand in your vagina again?”

  “Ha, ha,” he replied, staring up at the six-foot-something cop and longtime friend.

  Luke chuckled. “What’s up? Sam still busting your balls?”

  Luke had been one of Jason’s buddies for more than twenty years. He’d known just how much Sam had meant to Daniel and he was always aware of how he’d royally fucked up with her. “She wants nothing to do with me,” he confessed.

  “Me either,” Luke teased. “Come shoot some pool with me while I wait for Layla to show up.”

  Layla was too damn sweet and pretty to end up with Luke. Daniel was still shocked to discover that a woman like her had chosen to be with a guy like him. He’d pictured Luke a forever bachelor. Things really had changed while he was away. “The horse-training gig must be going well for her,” Daniel said, slipping off the barstool and following Luke to a pool table.

  “Yep. She’s doing great.”

  There was no masking the happiness Luke had found. “Juggling both jobs, horse training and bartending, must cut into your personal time.”

  “We manage,” Luke told him, racking up the balls. “We make every available second count. That’s why I’m here now.”

  That sounded perfect. Too perfect. Maybe it was just his mood, but he couldn’t see a future like that for him. He was too good at fucking it up. That was why he wouldn’t be coming to Iron Horse in the evenings when Sam was working. He wanted to apologize to her, tell her that he still cared for her, but she was right by telling him to get lost. Advice he was about to take.

  “I gotta get going, Luke. I’m glad to see you doing so well.”

  Luke frowned. “Leaving so soon? I just got the balls set up.”

  “I’ve got a lot to finish up today. Maybe I’ll catch up with you soon.” Before Luke could stall him or drag information out of him he didn’t feel like sharing, Daniel headed for his motorcycle.

  Straddling his cool blue Big Dog, he put his helmet over his head and fastened the strap. Thankfully, his bike was in perfect running condition. While Daniel was gone, Jason had ridden it to keep the dust from settling on it.

  Growing up, they’d each had one. Jason’s was red and Daniel’s was blue. The color of their bikes matched their personalities, something he hadn’t thought about until just now. Jason had been the go-getter, the one full of fire and desire, while Daniel had been content with flowing with the current. It wasn’t until Sam had caught his eye and heart that he’d wished things were different for him. He wanted to give her more than he had, more than he could, and that disappointed him. That constant unease filled his mind with doubt and forced him into a decision he didn’t exactly regret. Going into the military was the best choice he’d ever made. It was home for him, a place he’d still be if not for his injuries. The only thing he’d missed over the years had been Sam.

  Her smile, her laugh, the sparkle in her green eyes, the taste of her olive skin. Damn, he’d really screwed things up.

  Firing up his bike, he took off in the direction of Jason’s house, but he took the long way. He needed to clear his head. He needed to find peace in a mind wracked with guilt.

  * * * *

  “So what’s got you so damn bitchy?” Brynn asked Sam as she poured a beer in a cold glass for a new customer. “You’re acting like someone pissed on your picnic.”

  “I’m fine,” she lied.

  “Sure, and I like wearing flats.” Brynn folded her hands over her chest, a teasing grin on her ruby red lips.

  Sam swept Brynn with a quick look. She was wearing four-inch-high stilettos, tight blue jeans, and a body-molded green T-shirt that read Iron Horse. Brynn had always been her feistiest friend. Her bright red hair, hazel eyes, and smart mouth kept her on her toes where customers were concerned. The woman had no filter. Sam didn’t either, for that matter, but keeping her mouth shut about Daniel was getting harder. Everyone around her was starting to notice just how distracted she was becoming, something she tried so hard to keep to herself. She didn’t want them burdened by something that would pass soon enough.

  Her friends were finally happy. Layla and Luke were making it work, Zerina and Jeremy were like love-obsessed puppies, and Brynn and Reid were planning to get married. Everyone was living the life they wanted, everyone except Sam. But that had been her choice. Sam was focusing on her career in business and she didn’t have time for romance. And even though she knew it was a lie, she convinced herself that that was why she wasn’t dating anyone new. It had nothing at all to do with her heartfelt obsession with Daniel.

  “Are you and Jason doing okay?”

  That question got Sam’s attention. “Why would you ask that?”

  Brynn shrugged. “You’re never with him,” she pointed out. “You guys were like flies to glue paper. I was sure you two were fucking on the side.”

  Sam’s mouth
dropped open. “What?”

  “You two are closer than most married people. I always assumed you two would hook up if you hadn’t already.”

  Sam leaned against the bar. “No. We are not interested in each other like that. Never have been. Jason’s my friend and I’m his. Nothing more.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  Sam grimaced. “I’m serious,” she snapped. “Never. Gonna. Happen.”

  Brynn smiled. “Then it must be his adorable brother Daniel who’s got your panties in a twist.”

  Sam’s lips pursed together, her chest so tight it hurt. A new customer came in and she was thankful for the interruption. “You’ve got a customer,” she said, arching her chin for Brynn to take care of them.

  While Brynn tended to the customer, Sam headed for Jason’s office. She needed a moment to collect herself, needed to clear her head. Without knocking, she shoved open his door.

  “Brynn thinks we’re fucking,” she stated directly.

  In mid-dial, Jason hung up his phone. “I beg your pardon?”

  She threw herself in the chair across from his desk. “Brynn thinks we’ve been having sex and that’s why I’m—acting different.”

  “You haven’t told anyone about Daniel?”

  She shook her head. “I really don’t like that Layla and Brynn have cops for lovers. They’re learning too much detective shit.” She groaned. “After asking if you and I were—you know—she asked if I was with Daniel.”

  Jason folded his arms in front of him, leaning on his desk. “And?”

  Her eyes rounded. “And what?”

  “What do you want me to do about it?”

  The air caught in her lungs as she thought through her irrational thoughts. “I don’t fucking know. I want you to—to—beat the shit out of your brother for being an asshole.”

  He chuckled. “Okay.”

  She groaned again, clutching her hair in her hands as if to rip it out. “I don’t know what the hell I want you to do. I don’t even know what I want to do. I’m—pissed.”