Mastering Heat [Men of Iron Horse 9] (Siren Publishing Classic) Read online

The look at Nox’s face ate at her. She had always planned to keep her daughter’s existence separate from what she shared with Nox. The two were never to meet.

  She swallowed hard, hiding the truth was impossible now. “She ran away because of me being with you,” she said directly. “I never should’ve started this thing with you. I knew better, and still I didn’t listen to my own instincts.” The twisting of emotions choked her. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Are you ending things because of your daughter?”

  Her eyes locked on his, her mind racing with what to say to him. Had he known? How?

  As if reading her mind, he told her, “I’ve known you had a mini version of you since the night I dropped you off. I saw her in the window.”

  Claire shook her head, covering her face with her hands. Her heart beat so fiercely it deafened her. “I’m sorry, Nox, but I can’t do this anymore. This weekend was amazing. You’re amazing. But it’s not fair to keep things going.”

  “Fair to who?” he snapped, stepping toward her. “We have something, Claire. I know you feel it, too.”

  I do, but it doesn’t matter. “Nothing more can happen between us,” she argued. “I told you that from the beginning.”

  “Why the hell not?” His voice boomed in the cabin, practically shaking the walls. “We’re good together.”

  “I have to think of my daughter, Lacey first.”

  He looked pained. He had every right.

  “So to hell with me then, is that right?”

  Guilt hit her. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

  “It’s only hard because you’re ending things.” He grabbed her by her shoulders. “Is this really what you want? Do you really not want to see what more we could be together?”

  “It has to be,” she countered. “I can’t do this to her. I can’t ignore that she needs me.”

  “That’s an excuse. You’re using her.”

  “Who are you to judge me?” she barked. “Do you have kids? Are you a parent? No, you’re not.”

  “Maybe you should’ve told me you had a daughter from the start.”

  “Why? What would it have mattered? We were never supposed to be anything more than fuck buddies, remember?”

  The world stopped moving as she stared at him. His expression darkened, his eyes narrowing with anger. The coldness that surfaced between them made her tremble.

  “Thanks, Claire,” he said with a virulent tone. “Thanks for showing me why being single, and not giving a fuck about anyone, is better.” He raked a stiff hand through his hair, his posture rigid and tense. “Pack your bag. I’m taking you home. It’s where you want to be anyway.”

  It wasn’t long until her phone rang again. It was Noble. “We found her. She was sitting at the coffee shop you two frequent. She’s safe, Claire. I’ll keep her with me until you get back.”

  Claire covered her mouth as relief flooded her. Her eyes watered. “Thank you so much for finding her. Can I talk to Lacey?”

  “She’s pretty upset. Maybe you should wait until you get home to talk.”

  That was probably for the best. As it was, she didn’t know what to say to Lacey without blubbering all over the phone. How would that help? “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

  When she hung up with Noble, she texted Jace and Becky’s mom that Lacey had been found. Then her eyes swept the space between her and Nox. Even though a few feet separated them, it could’ve been miles. The silence enveloped the room.

  His back remained to her as he packed his bag, practically beating the hell out of each item, grabbing and shoving things down into it. She’d seen him happy, excited, stoic, even irritated, but this display was a first. He was angry and she couldn’t blame him. She’d turned their sexy, fun-loving weekend getaway into an emotional disaster. She’d kept a secret from him and ultimately ended things on the highest point of their time together.

  “Nox, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t bother,” he grated.

  “Why are you so angry with me?”

  He shot her a menacing glare, and she stiffened her spine in response. He zipped his bag and stalked over to her. “It doesn’t matter. Kickstand up in twenty. I suggest you pack fast.”

  As he disappeared outside the cabin, an ache settled in her heart. She was lost. Her daughter resented her, and now, Nox did, too. She swallowed down the acid that chewed its way up her throat, battling the churning emotions quivering her lip. She closed her eyes, wanting something she could never have. Lacey comes first. She always would, and that meant she had no room in her life for Nox. Even their arrangement was over. The weekend had been her most favorite mistake. At that moment, she realized that she had stupidly fallen in love with him.

  But it doesn’t matter.

  * * * *

  Nox raked his fingers through his hair and wanted to scream “Fuck you” to the heavens. Somebody or something was royally fucking with him. How could a perfect weekend sink like the damn Titanic? How could an affair with a woman he couldn’t get enough of be a bad thing? How could she just give up on him without…what the hell was he saying? Claire had never told him about Lacey. He’d found out by chance. He likely never would’ve discovered she had a daughter any other way.

  Which pisses me off.

  Had he not earned her trust? Why wouldn’t she want to share that important piece of herself—he steeled himself.

  Because she was only fucking me. She’d just told him that. He closed his eyes and blew out a lung full of air. I’m a fool.

  He was angry, furious with the way things were ending between them. More so, he was disappointed. He’d wanted more with Claire. He’d been a damn fool to think he could keep things between them casual. As he thought back, it had never been casual. It was hot, steamy, molten like passion that he’d never experienced with another woman and would likely never again. She was everything that made him think that he’d been wrong to be so fucking selfish. His career hadn’t kept him warm in his bed, fired his mind with lust, and stirred his heart with emotions that were so foreigner, but fantastic all at the same time.

  How can I just let her go?

  He kicked the tire of his bike. “Because she doesn’t fucking want me.”

  The door to the cabin opened, and Claire appeared holding her bag. He shifted his gaze away from her and opened the trunk. When she drew near, he stepped aside to let her put her belongings away.

  “Don’t forget your helmet,” he reminded her, his tone brusque.

  “Thanks.” She put on her helmet and so did he. Then she got on the bike behind him, but this time she kept her hands off of him. Her legs touched him, but not with the same familiar caresses and hold they’d once had. Everything between them was different, and it sucked.

  She wanted to get home to her daughter. He knew that. She was worried about Lacey. Shit, he’d be worried too if it was his kid, but it didn’t change the way he felt. He wanted so badly to convince her to not end things, but he couldn’t talk to her about it now. Her thoughts were likely on her daughter and getting home. So he would do what she needed, and when the time came, he prayed that she missed him, wanted him back as much as he desperately wanted her.

  The drive to her home was long, but he pushed his bike as hard as he was willing to go without causing her fear or putting them in serious danger. He parked his bike, she slid off, and he followed, moving around his bike to give her belongings to her. She wouldn’t look at him.

  She offered him the helmet and gloves. “Keep them,” he told her. “I’m sure one of these days you’ll finally get that bike you want so badly.”

  She smiled, but it was the saddest damn smile he’d ever seen. “Thanks. I’m not so sure about that though.”

  “Then maybe you’ll find time to go riding with a friend.” If only that friend was me.

  She nodded and began walking toward her front door, but turned around to face him. “Nox, I really am sorry.”

  He held his helmet, his fin
gers squeezing so hard around it, he feared it would shatter. He wanted to go to her, grab her, hold her, and make her take back that she didn’t want to see him anymore—make her admit that her words were spoken out of fear, but he couldn’t. “Take care of Lacey, Claire. She needs her mother.”

  Claire nodded.

  “But don’t forget about yourself. Soon Lacey will be out in the world, and what will you have?” Her eyes watered and a tear trailed down her cheek. He moved to her and brushed the dampness away with his thumb. “I hope I’ll see you around.”

  He put on his helmet, got on his bike, and headed home—the last place he wanted to be. Claire won’t be there. His heart squeezed. She might never be again.

  Chapter Twelve

  Claire wore a permanent frown. Lacey hadn’t wanted to talk, and everyone at Iron Horse was tiptoeing around her like she would break if they mentioned her daughter or Nox. She wouldn’t break. She would just wait until she was alone in her bed late at night and cry herself to sleep. Which was exactly how she went to bed every night since the last time she saw Nox.

  College graduation was a day away, and it didn’t feel like anything special. Her mind was twisted with missing Nox and keeping her daughter happy, and in the process, she was losing herself. Everyone else came first. It had been easier that way—less guilt. But now, that feeling was a hollowed pit in her stomach, a reminder of what she’d given up, of the love she’d lost, and the passion she would never discover again.

  With Nox, she’d been happy. Yes, she worried about Lacey, but it had been different. She fell in love with a man who was insanely different than any man she’d ever known, she was graduating with honors, and Lacey was still an eight-year-old emotional girl like all the others.

  She had lined up interviews for a position as a paralegal, and she even had all the suits to go with it. The excitement she should be experiencing was faint.

  I miss him.

  When she closed her eyes, it was Nox’s face she saw in the crowd as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. It was his arms surrounding her as he congratulated her. His pride reflected in his gaze.

  Lacey would grow up and have a life of her own, but what would Claire have? Nox’s words haunted her. How long could Claire keep putting others first before she realized she’d missed out on so much?

  A tear glided down her face, and she brushed it away. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. Ending things with Nox had been the right thing to do.

  If not for me, it was for Lacey.

  “Mom?” Lacey’s melodious voice pulled her from her heart-wrenching thoughts.

  “Hi, honey,” she breathed, straightening herself. “What’s wrong?”

  Lacey looked distraught. “Are you okay?”

  Her daughter’s question caught her off guard. “Of course. Why would you ask that?”

  She rushed to hug her mom. Claire’s heart quivered as she closed her eyes and looked to the ceiling, containing the tears that threatened to burst free. Holding her daughter was an unexplainable joy, one she missed dearly.

  “I hear you at night, Mom. I know you’ve been crying.”

  Claire’s breath froze in her chest. “What?”

  “Are you sad because you’re not seeing that guy anymore?”

  Her entire body was riddled with nerves. She cupped her daughter’s face. “You shouldn’t be worrying about things like that, Lacey.”

  “I worry about you, Mommy.”

  She kissed her forehead. “Well, stop that. I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. Now why don’t you call Becky and see if she has time for a playdate today?”

  “I love you, Mom.” She hugged Claire for a long time and then headed toward the kitchen.

  Claire looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red with emotions. She looked awful. No wonder Lacey thinks something’s wrong with me. Something is wrong with me. She gripped the edge of the counter and hung her head.

  “Mom, Becky said I could come over.”

  “Okay. Have fun. Be home for dinner.”

  “Okay.”

  * * * *

  Nox’s phone rang, and like always, he hoped it was Claire. When he read her name on the screen of his phone, his heart leapt.

  “Claire?” He couldn’t answer the phone fast enough.

  “No, this is Lacey, her daughter.”

  Nox furrowed his brow. Why would Lacey call him? “Is your mom all right, Lacey?”

  “That’s why I’m calling.”

  Nox’s throat constricted, his heart ramming against his ribs. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think she misses you.”

  He sighed, realizing at that moment he’d been holding his breath. Then he thought about what she’d said. “Did she tell you that?”

  “No. But she cries a lot and she doesn’t smile anymore. Not like she did before.”

  A warm burst filled his chest. “And you think that’s because she misses me?” he asked, baiting her for more information.

  “Yes.” She paused. The void of conversation had her saying, “I want her to be happy again. I think she’d be happy with you.”

  “And what about you, Lacey? You didn’t seem happy that I was with your mom. You made that clear when you ran away.”

  “I was upset. She kept you from me. I didn’t understand why?”

  “Do you now?”

  “Not really. Maybe it was because I’m just a kid.”

  “I think you should ask your mom that question. She’s the only one who can truly answer it for you.”

  “I will,” she promised. “Do you think you’ll ever see my mom again?”

  I think about that every day. “I’d like that, but I’m not sure that’s what she wants.” The honesty of his words flowed out of him so easily. Damn, he missed her.

  “I think she does.”

  He smiled, appreciating what Lacey was telling him. “She’ll have to decide that when she’s ready.” If ever.

  “Can you help me?”

  He softened. Lacey was a sweet kid. Claire had done a fine job raising her. She was compassionate and caring, and smart enough to know that her mother needed to be happy.

  We all need that.

  “Talk to your mom, Lacey. Tell her what you’ve told me. Ask her your questions.”

  “What if she ignores me, sends me to Becky’s to play again to avoid talking to me?”

  His smile broadened. The kid was smart enough to know when her mother was being evasive, too. “You won’t know how she’ll react or what she’ll tell you if you don’t ask.” He paused. “Go talk with your mother, Lacey. Tell her how you feel. Tell her what’s on your mind. She’ll listen.”

  “Okay.”

  She hung up, and he stared at the phone until the screen faded to black. He hoped he helped Lacey onto the correct path. She needed to discuss the things troubling her with Claire. Her mother would welcome the chance to uncover what was affecting her daughter. Getting a kid to talk, open up, was not always easy. Being a lawyer had shown him just how hard it was for people to communicate with each other—often times making matters worse because they couldn’t. He didn’t want to see that happen to Lacey and Claire. They mattered too much to him.

  They? When had Claire and Lacey become they to him?

  He slumped against in his office chair, glancing up to the sofa where he’d been with Claire. It wasn’t the sex he remembered, it was the way he’d been overcome by her from the first time he saw her. She was worthy of so much, and if he could do something to help her he would.

  He pulled out his contacts list and began making calls. He reached out to every legal office he knew in the Dallas area and inquired about their current needs. Then he shared that he had a few student resumes he wanted to send to them for consideration. He wouldn’t do the work for Claire. She could handle her own interview and prove just how good she was without his interference, but he sure as hell could ensure that she had the most accurate information possible. She had spent the las
t eight years taking care of those she loved. It was time someone showed her that she was important and loved, too.

  Once he’d gathered all the information he needed, he called Victor. After speaking with Lacey, he felt compelled to do something he hadn’t yet considered. But first he needed to talk with Victor. If his plans were going to work, he would need backup—an inside man.

  * * * *

  Lacey jabbed her fork into her spaghetti like it weighted too much to eat. Claire watched her shift in her seat nervously. Something was on her mind.

  “How was your time at Becky’s?”

  “Fine,” she mumbled, the palm of her hand pressed to her chin.

  Claire released a huff of breath and placed her fork on her plate. “Okay. What’s going on with you? Did you and Becky have a fight?”

  Lacey shook her head.

  “Then what’s going on? Your face is drooping to your feet, and you haven’t done more than beat up your spaghetti.” She paused, reaching for her daughter’s hand. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Mommy, you stopped seeing Nox because of me, right?”

  Claire’s eyes swelled wide. “Why would you ask that?”

  “I want you to start seeing him again.”

  “Lacey,” she dragged out the word in a shocked tone. “Why are you saying this?”

  She dropped her fork. “You miss him, don’t you?”

  Claire inhaled deeply. She did miss Nox. Every second of every day, but she’d get over it. Eventually. “How I feel about Nox is irrelevant.”

  “Not if seeing him again will make you happy again.”

  Claire frowned.

  “Mommy, you cry and I know it’s ’cause you think I don’t want you to spend time with him.”

  “Lacey, I stopped seeing him because—” She paused. Her words cut off by the sympathy-filled look in her daughter’s eyes. But mostly, she saw concern and guilt. “Do you really believe that?”

  There was truth in her words. She had ended things with Nox because she was sure it would help Lacey with her insecure emotions and help ease her daughter’s fears. She never thought she’d have this kind of conversation with Lacey.